becoming more like my mother every day

ranting, writing letters, and the like. many (of the few) who actually read my blog likely have already heard my unrest and disappointment with my employer in its unjust employment practices. i'm figuring out (more slowly than my mom, probably - i do take after my dad in some strong ways) my facts and figures, and the proper avenues for addressing said issues. and i plan to push things as far as i possibly can, whether things at progress (the name of my employer - how ironic) change or not while i'm still there. i've inherited a nagging sensitivity to injustice, a strong persistence, and a voice that will raise just as loud as it needs to make itself heard.

expletives when little things go wrong in the kitchen - or elsewhere. i "normally" consider myself a pretty patient, calm person - the little, unimportant things roll off my back, and only after time, building up annoyance, and wearing of nerves, do the outbursts (public or private) occur. however, i also know that i sometimes over-react to certain little things - as i have as of late. examples: as soon as i discovered this past saturday morning that one of my housemates/clients had not only touched but picked up and moved a live mouse trap recently set by maintenance in our house, i shouted a couple of choice expletives multiple times, then asked very sternly whether the assumed culprit had done what i thought he had, and so on and so forth. yes, it was good for me to convey to both my housemates that it is not a good thing to touch mouse traps nor to touch rodents that might be discovered in our home - but the expletives that bubbled out of me - maybe not so much. (though i must say, my housemate that speaks usually only scolds me "watch your mouth," whenever i curse in un-warranted, low-stress situations. the first time he repeated after me in mockingbird fashion, *shit*, i realized i probably ought to "watch my mouth" a little more closely.) and then a few minutes later when one of the housemates refused to take his medicine in the way that i'd given it to him, i expressed the same 2 just-used expletives a few more times. my thought, which also came out in words: i take f-ing (sans the actual expletive - just the f) good care of you every day, i'm looking out for your best interest - just take the medicine!

i suppose said expletives are actually the result of what i originally mentioned - built-up annoyances, worn nerves - which is why i'm taking time without pay in october. however, i do find myself expressing little melodramatic shrieks in the kitchen when I burn, almost-burn, cut, or almost-cut a finger, drop something, let something spill, boil over, etc. they're not quite mom's "ssss" sound she makes when dad drives up too close to someone in traffic, enjoys the scenery too much, or decides to drive too fast or too slow at any point in time - or the yelps she makes when she hurts, or almost-hurts, herself in the kitchen, bathroom, hallway, or bedroom. but my yelps are generally variations on her theme - the same need to verbalize one's initial emotional reactions, with my own personality and a few chilean curse words thrown in.

getting excited about preparing for an early morning birthday celebration. tomorrow is one of my housemates' birthday, and he's super-into his birthday. so i went to the party store on monday and bought: balloons (including a helium-inflated mylar one), "happy birthday" banner, a red birthday hat, little birthday flag things to stick in his food/cake, picked up a card from me and one from ronez, and found the kind of water bottle he's been nagging me about wanting since we first met [basically one like i have: "you have you have 2 in your room, give me one, i like it, it's my favorite"]. i'm blowing up the balloons and getting the hat ready tonight, so i can take them across the hall to him when i wake him up. then, i'll stick a little happy birthday flag in *eggs* (he LOVES eggs! and asks for them many-many mornings). and he'll get his gift and cards at the breakfast table - as my mom did for 18 or so years of my life - plus all of the trivial little holidays she decided warranted gifts (like st. patrick's day, valentine's day, halloween, etc. - one must have an appropriately-sized collection of holiday socks). then in the evening, when i'm off (oops, i wasn't thinking about birthdays when i scheduled my time off for october), my relief staff will prepare hot dogs, cupcakes, and ice cream that i also gathered ahead of time.

i love birthdays. i subjected my college roommate to the same early-morning-hung (usually) foil happy birthday banner each year of college on her birthday. and i shall subject many more folks i share space with in the future to such practices. thanks mom, for a sense of the special.