after shrugging off a number of suggestions of, "have you thought of living in a l'arche community for awhile?", i've finally come around to the realization that that might be (probably is) the best next step for me.
i've only lived in a l'arche-like community, for a month and a half, in another country - so i think living in an actual l'arche community, for a more sustained period, in this country/region, will be immensely helpful for me in discerning my own call to a l'arche community in nashville, what such a community might look like, etc.
a l'arche nashville community was feeling so urgent before, that going away felt like such a counter-intuitive move - i needed to stay here, continue to make connections, build the momentum (as if i myself were responsible for said momentum, or could single-handedly begin a l'arche community). leaving seemed counter to all of that - the whole point is that the community would be in nashville - why leave?
but as i continue to a) get a sense for how long and disciplined the process will need to be to start anything, whether l'arche or not, and b) get a sense for the beauty and prophetic witness of the spirituality of l'arche - i feel called to really live l'arche for awhile. there are some good things happening in nashville with folks with developmental disabilities - not enough, i don't think, and nothing that seems quite like l'arche (the deep sharing of daily lives of faith). i'm applying to some of those good, not-quite-l'arche things happening in nashville, and maybe one of those things will pan out instead - but i feel like i will be missing something in my experience without the support and community of l'arche around me. i will surely meet great people and learn great things about "this kind of work," but i think that without living in a l'arche community for a longer while, i will be missing out on the deeper spirit of l'arche of the l'arche experience that i would hope to incorporate into a l'arche nashville.
so, the timing feels like it's pointing toward living in a l'arche community right now. i'm not entering a stage of not being tied to tennessee/nashville (or any place - eek!) by way of school, job, house, family obligation, etc. - though i do feel tied here by many friends, neighbors, the united methodist community, those i have brainstormed with about l'arche.
i feel tied and committed to nashville, but the grasp that the city has on me feels like a loose one - it could permit me to leave for a year, to return to the nashville area in a year or so.
so, at the moment, i think my preferred next steps would be:
1) spend the summer in memphis with the turner memphis immersion program, working with methodist healthcare and living with other turner scholars for the summer (i think learning more about the healthcare system and this particular faith-based approach to healthcare will be invaluable - and to live in community with good friends for the summer will also be invaluable and hopefully thoroughly fun and postponing "final" goodbyes after graduation).
this will involve:
-finding someone to sub-lease my room in the house for the summer.
-storing my furniture / stuff somewhere for the summer/next year, or hope a sub-leaser will want to use the furniture and/or a new housemate will want to buy the furniture from me.
2) live in a l'arche community somewhere near-ish to nashville / in this general region of the u.s. for a year.
this will involve:
-storing or selling furniture, maybe or maybe not having a car
-working on commissioning papers for ordination in the tennessee conference while out of tn, coming back to town for board of ordained ministry meeting, etc., in order to hopefully be commissioned in june 2011
-continuing to build connections for a nashville community from afar (and perhaps a visit or two back to town)
-paying off a bit of loan money with the americorps educational stipend
3) move back to nashville.
this will involve:
-finding a suitable appointment as a commissioned deacon / source of employment, with an organization working with folks with developmental disabilities and/or a church
-start a discernment group to work toward either becoming a l'arche pre-project, or toward starting something l'arche-inspired
-getting stuff out of storage and/or purchasing new stuff, finding a place to live (presumably, unless i work as a live-in companion for an agency like Progress), getting a car if i don't already have one - all of those real-life, adult things
-pay off the rest of student loans
4) realizing that getting a l'arche (even l'arche-ish) community started in the first place could be five or more years down the road is forcing me to think longer term about a lot of things. my previous thoughts of getting l'arche nashville started and on its feet in five years, to then hop over to central arkansas to help start a farming endeavor with hendrix friends and my immediate family - may not be a realistic timeline. however, arkansas and tennessee are close enough, and vacations and sabbaticals are also part of the real-life, adult world - hopefully especially that of clergy folk - so i could help with farming endeavors in arkansas, even while l'arche-ing in nashville. i always want to keep all the pieces of my dreams tied together somehow - and even if i let them go, they sometimes come back and re-insert themselves (as evidenced by my current vocational status).
what am i doing? whoo - deep breaths, jessica. community, community, community - community will support you, you already have lots of communities surrounding you, discernment will happen as you enter into each new step.
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