the bizarrest, most interesting religious talks i've ever had

...have been with my current housemate, dean. 

on the drive to church yesterday morning, the conversations flowed like this:

d: "i shot" (finger points up in the air)
j: "you heard a gun shot last night?"
d: "no, a shot" (shows me his finger pointing up in the air)
j: "dean, it's not nice to pretend to shoot a gun, i want you to stop doing that, please"
d: "no, a shot" (shows me his finger as a syringe, giving a shot to his other arm)
j: "oh, like you're getting a shot - i see"
d: "yeah, i gave him a shot, he's better"
j: "who'd you give a shot to? are you talking about jerry, since he's sick?"
d: "no, that one" (points up in the air)
j: "oh, you mean god? you gave god a shot?"
d: "right"
j: "so god is sick?"
d: "no, he's better"
j: "so, god was sick - but you gave god a shot, and now god is better?"
d: "right. i've got the power. in my hands."

next conversation, as we drive past cemetery:
d: "driver's dead"
j: "yeah, your brother driver is dead?"
d: "yeah, i'll be dead"
j: "yeah, i guess you will die some day. we all die some day."
d: "right, i'm going to be dead.  i'm a vampire."
j: "you mean, you're going to be a vampire when you die?"
d: "right, i've got it. in my room" (motions like he's putting in fake vampire teeth)
j: "so, you've got your vampire teeth ready for when you die and become a vampire?"
d: "yeah" (and motions like he's rubbing fake blood on his lips)

next conversation, as we're getting closer to the church:
d: "they've got water at church" (motions like he's scooping water and pouring it onto himself)
j: "yeah, you want to be baptized?"
d: "right. my name is jesus christ.  they've got water there."
j: "hmm...well, maybe we should talk to judi about baptism.  and i'm not sure if you've been baptized before or not.  maybe we should talk to jerry about that, since he might know whether you've been baptized already."
d: "right. i'm jesus christ."

oh, wow.  and of course, i could also mention the brief digression from these other topics of utmost theological significance, which happened between the 1st 2 conversations, as we passed a billboard for mcdonald's:

d: "they've got orange juice."
j: "yep, there's juice and smoothies on that mcdonald's sign."
d: "i got strawberry. strawberry. strawberry." (motions hands to the beat of his song/chant about "strawberry")
j: sms (shaking my shoulders), silent laughter, loud laughter, "dean, you crack me up"
d: "strawberry. strawberry. strawberry." (motions hands as above)
j: sms, silent laughter, loud laughter

i have suuuuuuch interesting housemates.  and to top it all off, ronez could not stop laughing and smirking all through worship.  what was his deal?  we'll never know.  but it brings me joy.