hey folks,
as a note, i started this post on may 26 but i believe i actually completed it on june 9 - that may make a difference for those who know my actual timeline these days.
so, a fair bit has happened in my life since my last post - really, a fair bit happening even as i posted some of my last mid-finals-procrastination posts. but either way, a more 10,000-feet life update is much overdue - so here we go. i always aim for brief summary and end up with many more details and length. we'll see what happens.
first of all: i graduated. i now have my master of divinity degree from vanderbilt university. for 3 years, a fair bit of frustration along the way, but also a lot of good deepening of faith and academic work, and i have a master's degree i feel good about, from a school and a community i feel good about. i certainly have not mastered divinity by any means - more questions now than before, of course, which i think i expected, but i could not have guessed exactly what kind of questions i would have been pushed to ask. and the graduation process was very good - i had some sadness as the days approached, but when it came time, i was happy - very happy and content. i'm through! done! over and done with! i may be able to "resume" a healthy sleeping, eating, living, reading, etc. schedule - at least i think i have more opportunity to try. a bit nervous before baccalaureate just because i had been given the task to lead a communal prayer during the service - all i had to remember to say was "please remain standing" and "you may be seated," but still - i get nervous. i found both the baccalaureate and the divinity commencement to be very meaningful, inspiring, etc. it was very good to have my parents, sister, and rebecca and jonah in town. we had a graduation party at the house that evening. i even received a couple of awards at commencement - one for my contributions to the divinity community as a whole and one from the united methodist student association for my methodist-y activities. and i had some good end-of-year festivities with friends, co-workers, etc. leading up to the end of the year. and i preached a last sermon at calvary as a staff person, which i also felt good about - i got a bit weepy beforehand and just briefly both times i preached it - but there was a lot going on that sunday - mother's day, a flood that happened the previous weekend, saying goodbye, plus exegeting the lectionary text for the week. but alas, the theme of "home" tied it all together - of course! i am a "home"-maker at heart, i think - that is why i'm a deacon at heart and continue to pursue these orders. but i'll save more reflections about that for later. the point being - i graduated.
second of all: i have a post-graduation job! i have already moved in and begun working as a live-in companion with an agency called progress here in nashville. i live in a smaller town outside of nashville, but still in davidson county, with a couple of men with developmental disabilities. i am now in the "direct support professional" field. and man, oh man, have i been learning new lessons every day! this past sunday, i felt like i hit a stride with the guys. but my training and my first shifts and first few days living in the house left my head and heart spinning and a bit drained. a few themes:
-culture shock of race and socio-economic class, including, but not limited to: a condescending medication administration trainer, becoming a racial and educational minority (in number, not structurally of course) in most of my professional settings, having opportunity to chat about the day-to-day with various African immigrants and African American folks
-culture shock of the social work / developmental disabilities world, including, but not limited to: "rights" language v. practice, various personal styles of relating to clients, mounds of maze-like paperwork, being on "alert status," dealing with "the state," keeping funding, coded language of new acronyms, medical language, and other social work-y terms, etc., etc.
-the intense flow of emotions i knew very well i would experience but have been nonetheless difficult: feelings of incompetence, defeat, frustration, confusion, of feeling trapped, unfamiliar with surroundings, overwhelmed with new bits of knowledge from progress, co-workers, the guys, etc., desire for a partner to debrief and be present with, family to be close and thus not have to spend my nearly non-existent vacation days seeing them, interspersed with (ever-expanding) moments of and lessons in deep joy, laughter, satisfaction, blessings, and success in the little and big things (such as: just life in general - one of the guys will just laugh for no reason and get a big smile on his face which is infectious. and the other sweet-talks and says some of the funniest things. and the stability and authority i'm already developing in the house are already paying off, so that bedtime, getting out of the house of a morning or evening, etc. are not as much a struggle. my church community was incredibly welcoming of the guys at worship this past sunday. i'm continuing to feel more and more settled in my room and the house.)
oh, i could go on and on and on. i have a list i've been piling up to journal on personally and to blog on. i had a little online training about confidentiality and privacy, so i'm a little wary and unsure about how much i can share about personal details, such as diagnoses, etc., etc. - so i'll likely be tip-toe-ing and just not sharing some things here. but some things about just my experience working in this field are not client-specific and i have much to say about. so i look forward to processing with folks. my experience is already informing my thoughts about l'arche, so i look forward to getting my l'arche discernment group together to see what others have to say. which brings me to the other primary things i plan to do in the next year (i plan to give myself a year with progress and re-assess job/other aspects of vocation and occupation.).
third of all: i am still in process for ordination. my plan is to transfer to the tn conference and nashville district this summer. i'd like to get on track to write papers in the fall, meet with the board in the spring, and be commissioned as a deacon in the tn conference next june. then ordination would be 3 years after.
fourth of all: in addition to my progress job, my other next phase of l'arche discernment will be to bring together a small group of folks who could meet together with me every other week or so - for prayer and conversation to discern the future of l'arche in nashville. should l'arche nashville happen in nashville? could it? what would it look like? what would next steps look like?
and for those interested in a bit more of my day-to-day, yesterday i had the evening off, and had a lovely time - went to the east nashville farmer's market, where i bought more than i'd planned (i got a little eager and excited - since i had a csa last summer and worked wednesdays too, i hadn't been to the e.nash. market since 2 summers ago, surprisingly!): kenny's cheese, kale, squash and zucchini (3/$1! - and the zucchini was huge!), a peach turnover, and wildflower honey. yum! oh, and did you know that loofah is something you grow and harvest just like cucumbers or corn? there was a guy there selling them. i restrained myself, but i hope he comes back with them again another week. and then i met up with stephanie to expose her to rose pepper margaritas and catch up. and then i went back to the old house to chat with julianne a bit and take a nap in my old (carpeted) closet. oh, and i picked up the beer and pisco i had left at the house - i'll have to just keep it in my room and take with me to other peoples' homes mainly, but i certainly wasn't planning to forfeit my blue moon, yuengling, and most of all, my pisco. anyway - all in all, a good little evening away from the house. i'm finding at least my scheduled relief time off to be pretty fruitful thus far. my regular m-f 8-4 is still a little lacking, because meetings and trainings still keep coming up, and i've been getting moved, but i've volunteered at 10,000 villages once already and done a little bit of coffee shop sitting already, so i have decently high hopes for setting good boundaries and being productive during my time off.
ok, that's enough for now. i'll have to keep coming back and sharing the little interesting, funny, meaningful, and reflective tidbits that have already happened and that will keep happening.
oh, remind me to share about the prayer block - i love routine, and i love prayer, and i love it when others buy into those things to. ok, so basically, when i asked about whether they pray before dinner, i heard "dear father in heaven, thank for this food,..." - so we've been praying before meals! and i brought out my prayer block that i got at the sarum college book store last summer in england, that has short meal prayers on each side. it stays on the table, and since neither one read, they of course don't read the prayers - but i told them that it's a prayer block, and that when someone prays before dinner, they hold it. we hadn't used it a lot, but the other night, one of the guys picked it up on his own and started praying. cool-ness! don't we all love tactile things, something to do with our hands? and isn't it so good to use our bodies in our spiritual lives?
oh, and 2 more things!:
1) i found a list of the signs that one of the guys uses to communicate - why didn't someone show me to that sooner?! i've been piecemeal learning bits here and there. and i had a random dream the other night that he just started talking out loud - maybe a portent?? i don't know.
2) i bought paper, paint, brushes, and colored pencils! i hear they're good at painting, so i'm going to try it out with them. super-excited!!
oh, there are so many things to share about, but i'll really stop now.
much love,
jess
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